Why I Do Not Want To See Toy Story 3

I have kids. They have toys. It seems logical that I should want to see TS3. I mean, Buzz and Woody have been around the whole time I have kids. We have so many fun memories of Nathaniel (who made up his own language) playing with Buzz a Bee (Buzz and Woody) and saying, “Booka booka, Booka a beeeee!!!” (To infinity, and beyond!) When the second movie came out, McDonald’s had at least 9,457,269,852 Happy Meal toys that went along with it. We wanted Nathaniel to have all of them. So every day for what seemed like forever, I would have a Happy Meal on my lunch break. The employees would ask what toy I wanted when I ordered. We had movies 1 and 2 on video. Here’s Nathaniel on his 3rd birthday watching one of them.

That was 10 years ago. He will be 13 next month. A teenager. 14 months until he begins high school. Five years until college. He is no longer the little weird kid who takes everything apart. He’s the big  weird kid that can fix things for me and hook up my DVD player. 😀 He is going to not like being called a kid soon.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I wouldn’t want want to keep my kids little, even if I could. Sure, babies and little kids are sweet and cute. They have that sweet little Johnson and Johnson smell about them. But there is a dark side to little kids. Sometimes they make up their own language. That might even cause their dads to argue with them for 45 minutes on the way home from church about how to say “Piglet” (It’s “PIGLET, son” NO, it KANYE, Daddy“) They look at you with innocent eyes, tell you how much they love you and then you turn the corner to realize that they decorated your off-white love seat with burgundy lipstick. While big boys might occasionally miss the toilet with their aim, it’s better  than having little kids who ‘forget’ to go to the bathroom until it’s too late. I love my big kids. It is just hard to accept sometimes that they don’t need me. I’m Pooh Bear. They are Christopher Robin.

So, I read a review about the movie. Because, even though it is Toy Story, sometimes people who make movies targeted at kids do not have a clue as to what is appropriate for kids. Do you know what this movie is about? Andy is grown up and going off to college.  (In the world of children’s entertainment college is some black hole that you go into but are never seen again-Pink Ranger, Steve, you get my drift.) So there is a lot of letting go in this movie. Andy is letting go of his childhood, moving into manhood. His toys are getting donated.  His mom is letting go of her little boy. And that is the part I am least looking forward to.

This weekend Nathaniel and I have a rare opportunity. Mark and the two little boys are going to camp. We are just going to be on our own. He is going to have my  full, undivided attention. I had originally planned to send him, too, whether he wanted to go or not. I was going to get lesson plans drawn up and the house completely scoured, cleaned and shined. But that stuff can wait. I have a boy turning into a man right in front of eyes. If I blink, I might miss it.